Que Sera Sera THE PARODY!
by Evil Scarlett Pippi
Summary: This is a parody of my bestfriend's fanfic Que sera sera! It is absolutely hilarious, and you she read her fanfic too! Please and thank you if you could. Her pen name thinger is Morgain LeStrage. Please R&R, and I hope you don't pee yourself laughing!


It was sometime early in the morning and Miss Morgain LeStrange, or LeStrage, she could never figure it out, was not sleeping in her canopy bed. No no, she was kissing goodbye boyfriend #27, or #32, they were twins, so she couldn't remember. Anyways, she hurried him out of the house before her parents woke up, and hopped on her broom to go fly around. She wanted to get some last minute flying in before she had to go back to school. Hogwarts of course, because the LeStranges/LeStrages were a magic family. Morgain was going into her 5th year there in only a matter of 71.135285 hours.  
  
Her room was excellant of course, since she finally remembered to put the furniture in. She sat outside her window, on her broom of course, for about 40 minutes admiring it. Then she swooped back a couple of metres or so, and stared at her, I mean her family's, castle. It was a 13th century castle, called the Glendrian-ACHOOO Castle (Unfortunately someone sneezed while making its name)located out of Muggle view. It was also hidden from the wizarding community, because whenever people wanted to come over, they gave them the wrong address.  
  
Her family was a very ancient, pure blood family, which were also very rich. Well, thats what they told everyone, they were actually just living off welfare, and Morgain's kissing booth she put up during the summers. They enjoyed their privacy, obviously, but Morgain's parents were more than pleased to send their two children off into the world, but weren't allowed to mention that they lived anywhere.  
  
After flying around the yard, and watching the sunrise that she had taped on one of those muggle recording thinger ma bobbers, on the television the put in the garden. She decided to look down at her watch to realize it was missing! She looked around her chair (that was in the garden) to see if she could find it. She discovered that one of her many many dogs was eating it. Alas, it was a magic digital watch, and now the time was coming out of its nose like a hologram. It read 8:28 am. She began to panic. Her mother would have woken up a matter of 2 and a half hours ago, and would be furious to have found out that Morgain had went flying again. She tripped over the nameless dog (they hadn't had time to name them all yet) on her way up. She started running around in a circle trying to find a place to hide her broom, and herself. Unfortunately, her mother, Bellatrix LeStr____, had seen Morgain running around through the gigantic cauldron in her room.  
  
She was hunched over it whispering, "I'll get you my pretty and you're little dog too....." Then she let out an evil cackle, waking up her husband Andris. He threw a pillow into the cauldron, splashing the kool-aid onto Bellatrix.  
She screamed, "I'm melting, I'm melting!!!!"  
"No you're not! So shut the hell up!!!," yelled Andris  
"Are you sure Andris? I could swear that I am."  
Sebastian, Morgain crab-like older brother can running into the room, "Would you two shut THE HELL UP!! People are trying to sleep in here!" As he walked out of the room sideways.  
  
With a snutty attitude, Bellatrix casually picked up her broom and ran out of the house. Once she reached the back yard, where Morgain was still running in a circle, she started to run faster screaming a viking 'yell'. Somehow Morgain didn't hear this, probably becuase she was trying to hide a nice hicky boyfriend #27 or #32 had given her. She didn't hear it until her mother was right behind her, standing still with the broom held in her hands in the air. She was still yelling. Slowly, Morgain turned around to make sure that it was really her mother. Sometimes Gabrielle Horwould, one of her close friends would do that to her as a joke. Alas, it was really her mother, and she started hitting Morgain with the broom. Morgain began to run back to the house, but Bellatrix kept up closely behind, hitting Morgain with her broom, in the behind.  
  
They made it up to Morgain's room, where she finally noticed that she had left mud foot marks all over the house, well the parts of the house it took to get to her room. Her mother stopped the viking yell and began to yell at Morgain (normally) for flying, but Morgain didn't listen she couldn't help but think what her father would do. You see, Andris absolutly hated mud, especially when it made its way into his house. Furthermore, had the best sense so smell in the entire wizarding community. He won a contest for it. She knew that any second he would smell that mud, follow the footsteps, and attack Morgain. Also, if he were to find out that she had been flying, when specifically told otherwise, AND had had another boy in her room, he would be absolutely furious.  
  
Suddenly the floor began to shake. Bellatrix stopped yelling at Morgain and dived underneath her bed. Her father was coming. The door flung open with Andris in the frame, with a face as red as a chili pepper. Morgain saw her mother trying to slither out of the room, and once she was passing Andris she whispered, "She went flying too. You should check her neck, I think there's something on in. But don't hurt her, or I shall hurt you*wink*" And slithered away. (that's right, slithered) Andris was aware of his wife's skills in torture, she used to be a domanatrix.  
  
Morgain was alone with her father. She had to fend for herself from that point on. Her eyes never left Andris', trying not to look intimadated. He slammed the door closed and charged into the room. Morgain jumped out of the way at the last possible second. He stopped in front of the window, ripped his shirt off, and started hitting his chest like King Kong. Then he started yelling, but Morgain couldn't quite understand him, she thought that he was talking in gorilla. This really scared Morgain, she didn't like the idea of her father reverting to his natural form. But, he saw her incomfort and took advantage of the moment and 'seized' her. He lifted her up, and started to climb the pillars in her room. Finally, he dropped her down on a rafter by the ceiling. Morgain couldn't understamd why he did this, she could get down easily. Another thing she couldn't understand was how Bellatrix still loved Andris. It was an arranged marriage to begin with!! They never stopped arguing yet, she would catch them kissing in the broom closet from time to time. Twas truly a mystery.  
  
Once Andris had reached the ground, and realized that he had been acting like a gorilla again, he grabbed the broom Morgain was flying, and snapped it in half, "I hope that is a lesson to you!"  
  
That was when Sebastian came in, "Hey thats where my broom went! I was looking for that!! I need that for school too! CRAP!!"  
  
"Oh, don't worry sonny-boy! We all know that you are our favourite child out of the four...uh I mean 2. We'll buy you a new one! A better and faster one! I'll be getting money soon, I just got a new job! I start work today at 10 am. I get to gut fish! We're in the money again!!," he said skipping out of the room.  
  
Sebastian looked confused, but happy that he would get a better broom. He looked up at Morgain, "HA HA! You got sent to the ceiling again!! HA HA!!," in a completely obnoxious tone, "I haven't been sent up there since I nearly crushed the house elf with a pig! She smelt like mud for weeks, for the reason that she doesn't take a bath. Luckily it rained...... Where was I?"  
"Making fun of me," Morgain said on her way done the pillar.  
"Ah yes, HA HA!! Wait whoa, how did you get down so quickly? I was hoping you would have to greet our guests from the ceiling. Poo Poo...." He was quite disappointed.  
"Kiss my ass Sebastian. Better yet, why don't you go back downstairs so that way you can re-affirm your position of kissing mum's and dad's butts."  
"Righty-o! I nearly forgot about that!," He said as he trotted out of the room.  
  
As he left, 15 of their dogs rushed into Morgain's room, carrying their house elf, Piffy. Piffy was an odd house elf. She didn't look like the typical house elf with big weird eyes and extremely high annoying voice. Her voice was very low and gruff, and she slightly resembled a horse, who kept smoking constantly. Morgain put a nice ribbon around her neck, to you know, spiffy her up.  
  
"When, and who the hell are, the people coming??," Morgain asked Piffy.  
"Squid pero....."  
"You got that wrong ......"  
"No I didn't! I'll tell you, if you riddle me this!?! What is a half + a half - a quarter +3 quarters x 2?  
"You mean out of a 100 right? A half of a 100?"  
"No, just using that 'lingo'."  
"8 quarters, or 4 halves, or 2 wholes."  
"YAY! I'm finally outta hear! That was the skill testing question on the bingo card! WHHHOOOOOPPPPPPEEEEE!"  
"Whatever, help is easy to find, so who are they, and when are they coming?"  
"Oh ya, squid pero thingy. Umm..... Well "master" many of you family friends are coming over....finally! What took you parents SO long to trust people?!?!? It took them 8 monthes to decide if they would hire me!! Whatever, they're coming in for the entire afternoon for tea and dinner, and I have to wear a paper bag over my head for the ENTIRE event! What is with that? I think I'm quite beautiful.",Piffy answered. Morgain rolled her eyes and groaned. She knew who the family friends were, she had to interview them herself. They were the Malfoy's, Delihalves', and the Avery's. They would always invite the LeSt_____'s over for dinner and plotting sessions at their houses from time to time, but of course they had never been there. They tried many a time, but always somehow ended up Walt Disney World's 'It's a small world ride'. To say the least they were extremely annoyed with the song.  
  
Morgain kicked Piffy out of her room, and began to choose what to wear for the evening. She could not possible bear to stay in that set of clothing for any longer, it was all full of mud, and she had been wearing it for a whole 3 hours or so. Come on! Who doesn't need to change after that amount of time, at most! She changed into Chanel jeans and her red Emily Strange jumper. Nothing underneath that. Went into the bathroom for 30 minutes and came out quite refreshed.  
  
Morgain wished that she was 17 and could apparate because it took so long going to the kitchen. It wasn't that far, but she was just lazy. The dogs accompanied her, tripping her several times. She entered the kitchen to find her mother already eaten lunch, which had been served a half an hour ago. Morgain made herself some toast.  
  
"He didn't right?" her mother asked.  
"YES!! He went crazy!! He did the whole gorilla/king kong thing again! I swear if he does that one more time I going to go live with my boyfriend...... To make things worse, Sebastian the crab like nim-rod walked in, and made fun of me! AGAIN!"  
"Yea, he came down stairs afterward and started kissing my butt......."  
"GOD, my boyfriend would love to have me come live with him."  
"Which one would this be? #17 or #24??"  
"No no no..... #......12. Yeah, I guess I could live with him.... what's his name again? Marvin? He'll have to change that...Whatever, do I have to sit in with you at this party thingy?"  
"No, but you will have to greet them, then you father doesn't want you to show your face again."  
"Like Piffy????"  
"No no no, your not to come out of your room, or atleast not anywhere near the guests. I cannot believe that your father invited them over, and gave them our real address!! My spell was working so nicely too."  
"The It's a small world one?"  
"Yup. Oh, I better not find you eavesdropping either. There will great consequences too. Such as no more Chanel clothing!"  
"Fine, I wouldn't want to listen to this get-together."  
  
Morgain eat the rest of her toast, and slurped down her tea. She went outside and decided to go horseback riding. Of course, her dogs followed her to the stables, hoping to get the ham sandwiches she had stolen. The (lets say) LeStrange's had about as many horses as they did dogs. Maybe a bit less, but still, a lot. All of the horses were of a different breed, and a different gender. Magic is a wonderful thing isn't it. Morgain had fun planning that little trick. Her favourite horse thought was a white- blue one with lime green hair and purple eyes. She called 'him' Don Juan Demarco for some reason she wasn't sure of. 'He' greeted her with a loud neigh and allowed her to lead 'him' out of 'his' stable. She put in 'his' saddle and all the other necessary gear. Morgain did this all while humming "Man I feel like a women".  
  
Morgain hopped onto the deluxe armchair saddle and rode out of the stables into the endless acres of land that her family owned. Actually, it wasn't endless, it was just 200 acres or so, and they really didn't own the land. They protected it with spells, and of course no one could ever find it to kick them out. Her dogs began to ride beside her, which from a bird's eye view looked like a swarm of fish. All together, the last count of the dogs was 67, and they cherished every one. That was why there was of course a dog on the family crest, or atleast thats what they told the dogs. As they got farther and farther from the castle, the small army got nearer to the Mountains and the great forest at its foot. Although it was not as dangerous as the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts it was still dangerous enough to scare off Morgain and the dogs. They all began to howl as they rode past, sounding like a cruise ship passing by. She had onced ventured in there as a child and almost never came back. She tripped on a tree root sticking out of the ground and skinned her knee. She got up crying, and realized that she was missing her shoe. Luckily one of the local vampires (who lived in the forest) helped her find her shoe, and carried her back home. The family offered one of their dogs as a thank you gift, which is why all the dogs hate the forest too. Morgain hated the forest because that was where she got the irremovable mud stain on her dior stelletos.  
  
After chasing the dogs, who ran after a local dwarf from the forest (thats why its local), Morgain decided to go back to the house. She called over the dog with the magical digital nose, and saw that she had been riding for nearly 2 hours. Those family friends should be coming soon. She expected that they would be late, trying to make sure they didn't up in Disney World again. Once inside she rushed upstairs, after thoroughly wiping her feet on the outside rug (to get all of the mud off), and practically dived into the tub. That was then she remember she still had her clothes on, and that there was no water in the tub. Stroking her head she prepared the bath, de-clothed herself, and jumped in. After locking the door of course too, she was a lady! 40 minutes later she emerged wearing nothing but two towels, one around her body, and one on her hair. She went to the wardrobe, and changed into the most preppy thing she could find. Her cheerleading uniform, from magic cheerleading camp. It was a size too small, so it fit perfectly.  
  
Extremely tired from all of her excerise that morning (making out, flying her broom, and riding her horse on the deluxe armchair saddle), she sauntered into the kitchen and cloapsed.  
Her brother was having a snack and commented, "Had a rough day eh? What? Did one of your boyfriends dump you? Did they finally find out about each other?"  
"Nope. All's still safe in that department. Too much excercise, I'm afraid. I need food..... PANCAKES!!! YAY!!!! Gemme GEMME!!!," she said, shovelling twelve panckaes into her mouth.  
"Someone's hungry," her brother retorted.  
A midst all the flying pancake Sebastian was able to disphure Morgain's question, "Are you going anywhere when the wizard turds come?" "Yay, I'm going to my friend Ardene's. You know, the one that made millions with the jewerly/stuff preps like you, but goths like Gabrielle, store that everyone seems to like. I think its a big rip off, and he agrees. Yay for stupid muggles.  
  
Morgain finally swallowed, "OOOoooooo, right I remember him. Isn't he gay? Whatever... I unfortunatley will have to loiter around here for the duration of the evening, but may attempt and sneak out later on."  
"Wow Morgain. I'm impressed, you actually used some advanced vocabulary."  
"What did I just say..... and what did you say?"  
"That's my Morgain..... I bet you could be smart if you just applied yourself."  
"Screw that crab boy! I don't have time for work! I have to keep up to date with all the latest fashions, and scank is in so... yay old cheerleading uniform!"  
"Yea, I was wondering about that." And their conversation ended, that aburtly and everything.  
  
After her brother left, Morgain wandered around her mansion bothering all of the pictures on the wall. Unfortunaley, she forgot they were mostly all of her, and her brother, so she wasn't very happy with her. Uh, the Morgain picture people weren't very happy with the real Morgain. Making sense yet? Nevermind, she tormented the pictures on the walls and then decided to use the muggle invention, the telephone, and called some of her boyfriends.  
  
While listening to the boring story of how Morgain and boyfriend #47 met, for the 13th time, she heard her mother calling her downstairs. She aburtly hung up the phone, without saying good bye, and ran downstairs. The guests were arriving, and Morgain had to greet them. Once she arrived downstairs she saw poor Piffy with the paper bag over her head, with two holes for her to see. Morgain had to keep herself from laughing, as Mr. and Mr. Delihalves (yes they are both men) walked in. They both gave a sigh of relief, it wasn't that annoying ride again! They finally made it the the Glendrian-ACHOOO Castle, and shook hands with Mr. LeStrange quickly. They ignored Bellatrix. Eventually, they did wave at Morgain, but looked diappointed that Sebastian wasn't there. Slightly shocked and annoyed, Bellatrix showed the Delihalves into the dining room. Once the three were gone, Andris quickly pulled out a flask from his jacket pocket. It was labelled, "Old Man's Milk". Morgain absolutely hated that stuff, it was a composition of cream, eggs, sugar, and whisky, and was usually used by highlanders after a drinking contest, but Andris drank it religiously. He said it kept him awake and his smelling abilities to its highest, but Morgain was fully aware that he drank it to keep himself a bit tipsy. 


End file.
